Dear Self,
What are you doing?
You need to take a deep breath, step back and give yourself a long, hard look in the mirror.
Sure, it seems that your heart has been used as a punching bag by seemingly emotionally unavailable man-boys, but don't sit there and take it. Wallowing over things that would never have been with a bottle of whiskey won't solve anything. Passive aggressively emoting through self-depricating humour won't solve anything either.
You want your heart to harden like you always say? Don't give any fucks. Don't let anyone make you feel less than stellar. Don't let anyone make you question your sense of worth.
Yes, this year has actually been awful and rock-bottom hurts like a bitch. But isn't that incentive enough to make the most of your next year? Forget those eyes that refused to return "I love you" and forget those words that cut like a knife. Erase the broken promises, the drunken confessions and the failed "what ifs". You are able to start fresh.
Stop focusing on what's temporary and begin to embrace what's permanent. You are what's permanent, even if you don't see it right now. Your family and your friends who have loved and supported you through the worst of times are permanent. Everything else is just white noise, a distraction from what really matters. And girl, you've been letting it distract you for way too long.
It's time to let go and turn to a new page. In fact, go buy a new fucking notebook. Your old one is only stained with ink, negativity and bad feelings. It's good to reflect occasionally, but don't get dragged down that rabbit hole of misery.
It's a new year and a new adventure. You can breathe now. You can feel again.
You are free.
Sincerely,
The part of you that is still, surprisingly, optimistic
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